Category: Perspectives

Perspective Pt. 7

2/14/2016

Lesson 7 - Need for community: On a cold Sunday morning back in December, a couple walked into our church and requested assistance. They had driven in for the holidays from Texas in order to see family. They came by way of Florida, where they said they had family as well. They had run out of money on their way up to Georgia, and were in need of a place to stay.

Everything about this couple screamed "illegitimate." The woman walked in with a big cowboy hat and seemed to play up the whole Texas thing a bit too much. The force was strong with this couple, and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit poured out - especially from the woman - as she used Christian jargon every other word. They tried to pull on our heartstrings by talking about how her brother that had died last year - which had nothing to do with their situation. The woman even produced a picture on her phone of her brother lying in the casket at the wake. The whole story of running out of money mid trip seemed too incompetent to be true. When we asked why the multitude of family that was in the area wouldn't put them up, they said that her side of the family didn't want anything to do with the stepfather, and his side of the family had a full house with kids and the elderly who had some health issues. I have rarely felt so strongly against helping someone who has sought assistance from us, but I was in favor of turning them down. The other deacon on duty at the time gave a counter pitch, and we decided to err on the side of caution. We helped them out, but very minimally. We were able to get them set up for a night or two so they could at least stay out of the cold long enough to get their bearings if their story was true.

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Perspectives Pt. 5

2/11/2016

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Lesson 5 - Need to Share: I told Catalina our meeting should only take an hour. I couldn't imagine how it would take any longer. The business at hand was pretty simple. We find out a few details, figure out if the need is legitimate, leave the residence and discuss our plan, then email our proposal to the diaconate for approval if the dollar amount was above our personal threshold.

Catalina told me to text her if we were going to take longer, just so she knew everything was going well and we weren't in a shady situation. What I expected to be a one hour meeting max, turned into four hour meeting. As we sat and conversed with the individual in need, it was less of a dialogue and more of a monologue. The individual just went on and on about her life. But we weren't there for that. We were there for pertinent details related to immediate physical needs (food, clothing, shelter, finances). As we entered hour two, it became excruciating. All I could think about was how exhausted I was working full time, handling two kids in the mornings and when we got home from work, support raising and meeting with others, and waking up once or twice a night due to our youngest child. All I wanted to do was solve this problem and get home to prepare for the next day and get to bed. My time was being wasted.

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Perspectives Pt. 4

2/11/2016

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Lesson 4 - Judgmentalism: One of our most recent calls was to a woman who was two months behind on rent, with no surplus in her budget. She basically lived from government check to government check. Her savings had just been wiped out the previous month because her car was totaled. As we talked, we found out that the woman had been widowed for close to a decade, and had not held a job since her husband had died.

Unfortunately, her husband had never obtained a life insurance policy, so the woman was left with nothing. In very short succession, she had quite a number of other relatives die over the next few years. As the conversation progressed, we found out that one reason the woman could not currently get a job was because she drives her daughter to a school that is out of district, a choice made in order to give her a better shot at college. Her daughter is a senior, and could have gotten her driver's license a year and a half ago, but mom just didn't feel like she was ready. They also have a second car that they don't drive - meaning they didn't have to deplete their savings to purchase a car after mom's accident- but mom wants the second car so she can transfer it to her daughter when her daughter gets her license. The grocery bill is also much larger than it needs to be because the daughter is picky, and often wants Zaxbys or Publix subs instead of a home cooked meal.

A number of things stuck out to me. This woman had not sought a job for ten years. I can understand being out of it for a little while, but life necessitates that you move on and find a job. It's unforunate, but it just needs to be done. It's something you have to deal with. Furthermore, to deplete your savings for the convenience of giving your child a car is irresponsible. It's a nice thing to give your child a car, but not at the detriment of losing your home or going hungry. Priorities need to be assessed. Having an 18 year old daughter who you need to drive, not driving? That's a lack of parental training. If the daughter needs to do this for the family, especially considering the mother is bending over backwards to put her out of district, then the daughter had better learn to drive, and the mother had better let her learn so mom can get a job. Finally, letting your child tell you they don't like leftovers or they need take out food is ridiculous. If you only have so much money, your kid had better learn to eat whatever you put on the table. That's just the way it is.

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Perspectives Pt. 3

2/10/2016

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Lesson 3 - Perspective: One woman we helped had an extremely tragic story - much of which was relayed in the "terrible lives" section found in part 2. We really extended ourselves in all areas to help her. We were on call and made at least one midnight trip out to a questionable job site where we got her out and away from some individuals and situations that we thought were not good.

We frequently drove across the county to get her situated in a home. We invited her to meals. We met with her fiance on a number of occasions at the prison, and were the ones to pick him up on the morning he was released. We gave her furniture. We gave her Kroger vouchers. We gave her kitchenware. We completely spent ourselves financially and emotionally. I remember one day, deep into the process, when we went over to the woman's house and saw the items she had purchased at the store with the Kroger vouchers we had given to her. Name brand stuff. Unnecessary stuff. It was pretty frustrating to think about how much farther the money could have gone, and I knew that a week into her two week grocery stipend, she would be calling and saying she needed more money. I wondered if it was really a good thing to give to such an irresponsible person. After all we had done for her, her thoughtless actions seemed absolutely inconsiderate.

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Perspectives Pt. 6

2/9/2016

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Failures: A few sections ago, I mentioned a woman who we had helped out considerably. We helped her purchase food, we drove her around, we got her out of some bad late night situations, we visited her fiance in prison and picked him up when he was released, we set her up with a place to live for a few months, we had her over for dinner, and we listened to her when she called to express fears or frustrations.

It was exhausting, but worth it. The whole process ended up taking around six months just for this one person. It was exhausting! Mercy requests rarely turn into long term relationships - though we do try to get them to become that. This was exciting. Everything seemed to be going great. But then, the woman began to become paranoid about all those who cared about her: her fiance and the deacons. She began to trust the ones around her who were dysfunctional and brought her down. We were pretty sure she was doing drugs again, and we also wondered if she was having some sort of relapse with a mental illness. We tried to get her help, but she just thought we were out to get her. Whatever it was, everything just fell apart. After six months of hard work, we failed.

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Perspectives Pt. 2

2/9/2016

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Lesson 2 - Terrible Lives: On top of everyone having all the church lingo, almost all who have come to us for assistance have had unimaginably terrible stories. My house burned down. I didn't have renter's insurance. Then my daughter was violated. My mom went to the hospital. Dad died while mom was in the hospital. Mom now needs surgery and doesn't have insurance.

We just found out dad's life insurance was dropped before he died and we can't pay for anything. We can't afford a deposit on an apartment but we need one because of the fire. Our previous landlord won't return our old deposit. My fiance is in jail. I need transportation to look for a job and visit my fiance. The people I used to run around with and do drugs with are now hounding me to get back in with them. I messed up and did some drugs again - now I need help... The story could go on and on and on. That's par for the course with many who come in to see us. The above would be one of the more extreme cases, but it's not completely unusual or too far off for most. People tell some sad stories, and it just doesn't compute with me. Many times, my initial thought is, "yah, right." Just like I feel used with all the Christian jargon everyone tends to use, I feel like tragedies just get piled one on top of another in these stories to garner more and more sympathy until they think we'll cave. Or, if tragedies do abound, I wonder what the individual has done to get themselves into some of these circumstances. I just feel used and cynical.

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Perspectives Pt. 1

2/8/2016

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I have been privileged to be on our church's diaconate for about three years now. It is definitely something I needed for my growth, though I'm not sure how qualified I was or am to do it. I feel this much more now that I have kids. Rather than feeling more spiritual or more mature, I have come to feel more incompetent in many ways. Nevertheless, I have been privileged to serve among many who have a great deal of

wisdom and insight, and have learned quite a bit over the years. This experience is also just one more way that God has prepared me for the work in Romania, as one of the goals for the church in Codlea is to set up an effective mercy ministry - which is exactly what our diaconate has been working on.

I've run into a lot of interesting people requesting assistance over the past three years, have been in a lot of interesting situations, and have heard many heartbreaking stories. As I have recently reflected upon some of those experiences and how I could apply my learning to the mission in Romania, I have come up with several lessons I would like to highlight for those who may also find themselves in mercy related situations, or those who are just interested in some of what our work entails. Regardless, they are good lessons for anyone who finds that they just can't get along in life without relating to and working with other human beings. In this entry, I am going to focus more on the work that has gone on inside of me rather than the specifics of handling crises, as it wasn't until I realized the need in my own heart that I began to really do the work of mercy. I found that strategies and wisdom in action alone were largely irrelevant - at least in terms of lasting impact.

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Perspective Pt. 7

Perspectives Pt. 5

Perspectives Pt. 4

Perspectives Pt. 3

Perspectives Pt. 6

Perspectives Pt. 2

Perspectives Pt. 1

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