Perspectives Pt. 5

​Lesson 5 - ​Need to Share: I told Catalina our meeting should only take an hour. I couldn't imagine how it would take any longer. The business at hand was pretty simple. We find out a few details, figure out if the need is legitimate, leave the residence and discuss our plan, then email our proposal to the diaconate for approval if the dollar amount was above our personal threshold. 

Catalina told me to text her if we were going to take longer, just so she knew everything was going well and we weren't in a shady situation. What I expected to be a one hour meeting max, turned into four hour meeting. As we sat and conversed with the individual in need, it was less of a dialogue and more of a monologue. The individual just went on and on about her life. But we weren't there for that. We were there for pertinent details related to immediate physical needs (food, clothing, shelter, finances). As we entered hour two, it became excruciating. All I could think about was how exhausted I was working full time, handling two kids in the mornings and when we got home from work, support raising and meeting with others, and waking up once or twice a night due to our youngest child. All I wanted to do was solve this problem and get home to prepare for the next day and get to bed. My time was being wasted.

BUT...

People want to be heard. They want to be understood. That was particularly true in this case. First, the woman had very few people in her life with whom she could share her story, both because her support network was small, and all those in her community were in similar situations - or just one minor mishap away. How could she share her burdens with the already overburdened? On top of that, I sensed that she felt the need to be validated. While validation usually connotes something bad, I completely understand her desire for it. She was opening up about a significant need, hoping that complete strangers would help. She wanted us to see the whole story of her life, how she was a good person, a responsible person, a loving mother, and a hard worker - or at least she used to be. She was clinging on to those characteristics as her identity, even though her shame in her current circumstances screamed to her that she was anything but. She wanted us to know her as the woman she knew she used to be, and to look at her as if she was still that. She needed affirmation that her circumstances, poor decisions, and depression didn't invalidate her as a human being worthy of love, admiration, and acceptance. If all she talked about were her current circumstances, she'd be painting a picture that is the antithesis of who she knew she was, and who she wanted to be. She wanted us to know her deeply. She wanted us to empathize with her. She wanted to share her story. 

This kind of thing happens all the time, and I don't know why I ever expect it to be any other way. Of course people want to share who they are. Of course people need love. Of course people need affirmation. We meet with human beings, not data sheets. I have learned this lesson many times, and never expect to have to learn it again. But I relearn it almost every time we meet with someone. My heart is very selfish, concerned largely with my welfare and conveniences. I'm glad that many interviews take a long time, because if they didn't, I would never be confronted with the depths of my selfishness, judgmentalism, and pride. It is always a great reminder that people are our mission, and a great reminder that I am God's mission. There are still deep, dark recesses of sin in my heart, and I am in need of light being shined into them. I am in need of grace and conviction. In a rather ironic turn of events, it is those who I view as needy who are the ones who bring my neediness to light. And it is only through serving and loving them that my needs are met. I need them. The material needy are no more a work in progress than I am, they just exhibit that neediness in different ways. ​