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The Table

4/27/2021

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Photo by  Abby Willtrout  on  Scopio
​Over the years, the road to missionary life has often been a painful one. Sometimes it's a good pain - like a hunger pain reminding you that you need better sustenance. The challenges have driven me to my knees in search of my Bread of Life. The pain has shown me my sin and strongholds to battle. A good pain. But it's also just been like a grief pain. Some things are just sad. Or just scary. Or just plain difficult, even when you know the Lord is weaving together a beautiful masterpiece in the end. Even then, it is still painful to go through that refinement.  I'm grateful for the Lord's patience with me. And His blessings through these painful circumstances. I want to share a quick story with you that has been a faith builder for me. Because it demonstrates to me just how much my Lord cares for me as His daughter.

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2018 Christmas Card

12/22/2018

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"Those" People

1/4/2018

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​"Those immigrants..." "That beggar..." "Oh, it's them..." You don't need me to fill in any more details to understand the tone conveyed in these statements. "Those," "that," and "them" are pieces of language, which when implemented, are usually very descriptive words in and of themselves. We don't need any more descriptors to know how the user feels about a group. While we can use these words to specify just about anything - positive or negative - we generally use different terms when discussing the positives. We tend to use "those," "that," and "them" as a distancing tool when speaking of people, as it removes us from an individual or a group. Sometimes our desire to distance ourselves stems from our feelings of superiority (e.g. "I would never date that guy."), and sometimes it is a distancing which stems from fear (e.g. "Those immigrants want to take our jobs").  ​

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Let Your Dim Light Shine

2/12/2017

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Derek and I were invited to speak at Redeemer Presbyterian's Missions Conference in Valdosta, GA. He shared at the men's breakfast, and I was able to share at the ladie's coffee. There have been very few places in our life where we felt instantly connected and loved by a community of people. Redeemer is a special place, and the people so obviously love the Lord and each other. It was truly a privilege to feel connected to the Body of Christ at this church. 

But the time leading up to the conference was one of the most difficult times in my life. I had no idea what I had to share with these ladies. But it turned out to be a healing experience for me, and somehow it seems that the Lord used it to encourage others. So I decided to share it here, too. Feel free to read the text or listen to the recording. And remember that you are not alone! 


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Clouded Emotions

6/11/2016

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Catalina and I have spent the last week at an MTW training called "Living in Grace." It's been a fantastic time of self-reflection, conviction, refreshment, and growth. At our first small group session, we were each asked what we wanted to get out of the week - what we needed most. That question triggered in me a quest to figure out how to achieve something I have longed for my whole life - feeling the presence of God. What better place to seek and find such a thing than at a retreat full of seasoned missionaries pouring their wisdom into us?

It may be surprising to those who have known me for some time - but expressing emotions is very difficult for me. I have no problem sharing very deep details from my life, but I do have a problem showing the emotions that accompany those details. I like for the content of my speech to remain detached from the content of my face. While part of this is just a preference for style and makes delivery of my dry humor much better, I'm sure there are some deep psychological issues that are behind this. Unfortunately, MTW's psychologist couldn't figure that out, as he told me "I've been doing this for a very long time, and you are the first person I've met who I can't read." Maybe I can be someone's dissertation one day.

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WHAT I'M LEARNING ABOUT GRACE:I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

4/19/2016

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Our current life is chaotic. We have two kids under the age of two, two full-time jobs that both require additional work in the evenings, several ministries, support raising, and maintaining a household. Frankly, it's ridiculous. And normally the last thing on the list is the first to get thrown to the wind. 

I know we've all heard it before - "The laundry will get taken care of eventually. Play with your kids now!" That sounds really good, and I tend to live my life by that mantra. But eventually your kids must have clothes to wear. And there comes a time when you can no longer just put on shoes so that your feet don't feel when the floor crumbs stick to them. So there's obviously some balance; one which I'm struggling to find! I often feel like I'm drowning in this current stage, and the Lord has been sweetly teaching me through it all. Like how to say no. And how to scale back. And how to keep a schedule so that your family doesn't get pushed to the side. And those are difficult to learn, but oh! How difficult it has been to learn how to humble myself and accept help from others. 
​

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Ballooning Pride

3/9/2016

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Catalina has written a bit about how God has illuminated various areas of sin in her life through the process of moving out into full time missions. While I would love to sit back and ride on the coattails of her admissions and openness, I think it's important for me to step into the light as well, sharing what God is doing in my heart - behind my stoic facade. ​

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What Defines me: my kids or jesus?

1/24/2016

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Before watching the video to the left, take a breath. A deep breath. Hopefully wherever you are you can enjoy a moment of lovely silence - because it's about to be broken. 

Okay, now enjoy the video. 

I'm so thankful to have a husband who helps me laugh during those overwhelming, terrible moments of complete toddler and infant chaos, whose first thought is to whip out his phone camera to document the Crazy, knowing that one day we might actually miss the Baby Crazy days. But I'm thankful for that only in those rare good moments when I'm able to recognize God's blessings in my life. ​ 
I know that many, many people are going to watch that video and chuckle with an empathy that you can only have if you've lived through it. I know my kids are normal, and I'm not alone. And most of the time, I've been okay with the chaos. But then we started support-raising.

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