Hungarian: 

Romanian: 

Russian: 

Ukrainian: 

As we read the Exodus or Isaiah, I see uprootedness everywhere. Jacob's family - only two generations removed from being uprooted in Ur - all move to settle in Egypt, where they are foreigners, and eventually slaves. 400 years later. After 400 years of living in a land that isn't even theirs, they move again, first to the wilderness, then to Canaan. Finally, they have a place to call their own! But eventually Israel's sin leads her to experience an exile from her land to live under the oppression of empire for most of the rest of her history, until she's eventually scattered to the wind. 

At the heart of much of the uprooting we see in the Bible and in the world is the beast of empire. Egypt was seeking the best for her own people, even and especially at the cost of the lives of those who are other. Babylon and Assyria were seeking to make their names great through the acquisition of land, gold, and vassals. Today, Ukraine is experiencing the fangs of empire as Russia seeks wealth, renown, security, and control. And even some we know who are seeking employment out of country are doing so because of the way empires take advantage of labor in Romania, reminiscent of James's warning to employers in regard to providing fair wages. Injustice is everywhere, and wherever there is injustice there is alienation, because God's good home is where there is a community of shalom. 

 Yet in all of this injustice and homelessness, we Christians have hope in knowing that God is in control. We know that God guides even the hearts of kings (Proverbs 21:1) and we know that he works all things together for good to those who love him (Romans 8:28). We can see specific examples of this play out in stories like those of Joseph or Esther, even though we may not always see how God is working things out today. Those stories give us hope that, though we may not understand, God is with those who are without a home. 

What I love even more than God telling us these stories of hope, is the fact that our God shows us hope by example. Our God doesn't lead, like a cowardly general, from the back. He leads from the front. God, in the person of Jesus, left his home, so that he could come and lead all of us there to be with him. It is no coincidence that the death of Jesus occurred at the time of Passover - a time commemorating the Exodus of Israel to a land they could call home. Jesus became homeless to lead us back home, because we are aliens and strangers in a world where power, control, and dominance abound - where empires create and perpetuate injustice. Jesus leads from the front and calls us to live in his Kingdom - a Kingdom without borders, and a Kingdom made not of erodible rock, but of living stones. We, the church, are the living stones of Jesus, built on top of him who is the ever living, chief cornerstone. Through our love and our lives as living sacrifices, we welcome all others who seek to enter into a home that is universal and perpetual, a home which can never be taken away. 

As I dwell this year on the power and injustice of empire, and I compare that to the humble birth of Jesus and his rescue mission, I have to admit that the Exodus led by Jesus seems underwhelming. What is a life of sacrifice and death at the hands of enemies compared to rivers of blood and the parting of seas? On its face, the second exodus seems anticlimactic in comparison to the first. I think Percy Bysshe Shelley's poem "Ozymandias," probably my favorite poem ever, is helpful here. Shelley writes, 

I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal, these words appear:
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Every empire from time immemorial has, like that statue of Ozymandias, weathered away into nothingness. Every victim of empire and injustice, as well as every citizen of empire, has eventually found themselves homeless in the face of some form of injustice or exile. But not so with the living Kingdom of God. When the Ukrainian refugees fled, many found that they had brothers and sisters living in Poland, Romania, Moldova, Germany, Hungary, and the United States. These brothers and sisters aren't moving across one border to another, from one empire to another. They are traveling within the borders of one Kingdom and one people, a Kingdom which is forever. Jesus has come and secured our exodus to the eternal Kingdom so that we will never be homeless again. This is an exciting truth which is becoming more real to us each day, and a truth which we seek to be made known to others. 

I've always loved having people over to my house, especially for a meal, and so I've always wanted to have a big dining room table. Back before we had kids, my sister and brother-in-law gifted us with a gigantic table when they turned their dining room into a playroom. It was dark brown, has two extension leaves, and easily seats 12 people. I was so grateful for that gift because I knew we'd never be able to afford a big table like that! 

When the Lord called us to go overseas, there were few things I struggled getting rid of. But the table was one of them. It seemed like such a huge, once-in-a-lifetime gift, so I really didn't want to get rid of it. I had many memories around that table. Serving people. Eating good food. Scaring our cats away from it. Teaching Elin not to climb on it. So when my in-laws moved to Georgia and wanted to use our table in their new house, I was so excited! It was such a win-win for everyone! 

So last Spring it was time for my in-laws to get their own dream table: a beautiful Amish-made set that my mother-in-law has wanted for so long. She has taught me so much about hospitality, so I'm overjoyed for her that she finally was able to purchase her dream table! But simultaneously I painful-grieved my table. In the midst of the tumultuous Pandemic Life, I also lost my table. It was one of my last major material possessions, and I knew that I would probably never be able to afford a table of that magnitude again. It was a once-in-a-lifetime gift. But with no other choice, I sold my table and cried with my Father over what felt like just another loss that comes with this painful life. But even then, the Lord was gentle with me, and I sensed His love as I asked Him to help me be willing to get rid of everything for the sake of His Kingdom. 

*** 

In January we began looking for housing for our family. The process was long and overwhelming and frustrating. We were rejected from so many rentals for various reasons. We became very aware of the tremendous uphill climb people in poverty face everyday. We understood firsthand how Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is totally true. 

Finally the Lord provided us a home to buy and call our own, for however long He wants to keep us here. But then I had a 3/2 ranch with nothing but bunk beds for furniture. Being a male minimalist, I knew Derek was struggling to empathize with my maternal need to create a cozy home instead of just a temporary dwelling. And I was struggling with guilt for even wanting those material possessions; hadn't I already given all of that up? But I longed for it. Especially for my children. And I started grieving - probably really for the first time - the home we had sold to go overseas. The beautiful home right next to the park, with wonderful neighbors, a community swimming pool, four upstairs bedrooms, and rooms big enough to easily house my 12-seater dining room table. It was as if I was just now truly counting the costs of this life the Lord has called us to. I grieved my things. And then grieved that I even had to grieve it, since I very badly want to be content without all those things.

As we were waiting for our house to close, some very dear friends from our church heard my heart's cry. They all banded together and came along side of me to help me create a home. We have been totally gifted living room furniture, a kitchen table, mattresses, lamps... all the things to make a nice home. My friend Abby even built by hand the perfect bench for my entryway that I had wanted so much! I have been so loved by my people. But we didn't have a table, and so I just planned to turn our dining room area into a play area. But then... 

One day my mother-in-law gets a text from someone at her church who also knows us. She asked if we needed a dining room table. Initially I wanted to say no because I already had plans for the play area. But then I found out the table was from a retired couple who downsized and loved their table, but it just wouldn't fit in their smaller living space. It was a brown, wooden 12-seater table, with two leaves... it was almost exactly what I had "given up" years before. As I heard the description, I kept hearing my own words from before: "I will never get another table like this in my life." And then I heard these words: 

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" 

and 

"Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life... look at the bird of the air... your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?...Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow... But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown in the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?... your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 

Receiving my new table is a much bigger luxury than the basic food and clothing needs about which Jesus is speaking in the Sermon on the Mount. And I certainly don't want to portray any undertones of a Prosperity Gospel, a teaching that claims that the Lord will reward you with earthly possessions and health if you serve Him greatly. But receiving these material blessings was like getting a tangible hug from my God. I don't deserve these things. These things aren't promised to me. They are not rewards for my service to God. They are simply abundant, gracious gifts from a Father who delights in His children. 

I still want to learn even more contentment in this life without the material possessions. I want to be willing to give up everything to follow His leading. I want to be ok if I'm homeless, or living in perpetual transition, or experiencing health trials, or struggling on a daily basis with the challenges of parenting. I'm not totally there yet, but the Lord is gently guiding me. Holding my hand as He securely takes me along His path, showing me the many ways He will always love and take care of me along the way. And it is that love and faithfulness that is an greater blessing than my new table. 

You see, Derek and I have had this conversation before. We've flipped to both sides of this discussion a few times. On the one hand, I was raised in a culture that dresses up for church because it's a way to offer your best to God. But I've also come to understand the mentality of dressing casually for church so that visitors will feel comfortable, especially for people who can't afford to dress up nicely. And regardless, I definitely believe that there is nothing inherently holy or unholy with clothes at all - because the way we dress should really be a reflection of how we can best worship God. So ultimately Derek and I have come to the conclusion that this particular issue is a matter of conscience. And as with most "matters of conscience" issues, I think we should each figure out which way we tend to lean and see how we can best glorify God. Do you naturally want to dress down for church because you're tired of wearing stuffy clothes throughout the week? If so, you'll probably tend toward justifying your casual dress with arguments like "I'm trying to make others feel comfortable." Or do you truthfully struggle with wanting to impress others and buy cute dress-up clothes? Then maybe you'll use arguments like "We should give God our best." I think this is why it's so necessary to pray that the Lord would search our hearts and ask Him to reveal to us our true motives and break down our idols. 

Looking at that Kohl's catalog and having my own inner dialogue was God's way of showing me my true motives for buying my kids special Easter clothes each year. I was so quickly dismissive of spending money on an Easter dress for my daughter because of the fact that nobody else would see it. We probably won't be going to a physical church building on April 12th, so then it suddenly seemed like a waste of money to buy a new dress, revealing to me that - regardless of my previously stated, righteous-sounding rationales for dressing up for church - obviously those motives weren't really seeping deep into my heart and glorifying God. 

To be clear, I am convinced that dressing up for Sabbath is a good thing to do, but it absolutely does not make God more or less pleased with you in and of itself. I think doing so helps to set apart the day as something special. It's a reminder to me that I should bring my best to God. Church is a special occasion, a weekly reminder and celebration of the wedding feast we will one day share with our Savior and Lord! Dressing up can help prepare the heart for church even before you get to the parking lot. And especially at a time like this, dressing up on Sunday morning to walk to my couch with my children and watch a sermon on Facebook is a very tangible liturgy to remind me that the Lord's Day is still special, important, and a priority for our family. And practically speaking, it creates a signpost for my children that we are going to be quiet and contemplative during the service so that we can all pay attention, worship, and learn. Church continues to be an anchor for us throughout each week, which without it will so easily bleed one into the next without any reminders of who I am in Christ. 

I want to be especially clear that I'm not making a legalistic argument for dressing up for church. Perhaps others would have the same experience and be convicted that their idols lie in spending money they don't have in order to dress up, and maybe this should be a wake-up call to the fact that you don't need to - and therefore shouldn't - dress up so much for church when this quarantine is over. Or maybe you'll realize that you've been rather legalistic with your prescription to dress up for church and are now instead realizing that your heart of worship isn't truly affected by the way you dress. Perhaps some will use this experience to realize that dressing casually to go to their couch-church suddenly feels sloppy, lazy,  and too much like every other day; so maybe their spirit will be encouraged to start dressing up for church time both now and when we return to physical church buildings. Or maybe your "trendy casual dress" is actually just your way of showing how fashionable you are with your non-work clothes and isn't really in an attempt to make the impoverished feel comfortable. And maybe you won't feel an ounce of conviction at all about this topic. I don't believe there is a specific right or holy answer. I think it's an opportunity to prayerfully reflect on why you choose to dress the way you do at church during normal Sunday worship and how you can - and should - therefore dress for this time of at-home church, remembering that all elements of our Sabbath day should help us recognize once again our need for the Savior. Ask the Lord to search you heart and tear down your idols. 

So I did end up buying the dress for Elin. And I bought super cute matching outfits for the boys. I plan to use the outfit I bought for Jemma's baptism since now we'll have to wait for that until later. Derek will wear his special Easter tie like normal. And I'll spend some time finding something for myself. It doesn't matter whether I buy those outfits or just find them in our closet. But what the Lord revealed to me is that He is calling me to make the Sabbath special and holy, even in this time of living room services. And for me and my family, one way of doing that is by continuing to dress up. Only hopefully now, it won't just be for the wrong reasons. 

​*Image from https://www.momtastic.com/style/kid-style/392529-favorite-five-toddler-girl-easter-dresses/

We've made sure that we are stocked up on our kids' asthma medication. We have enough toilet paper for the next week. We've made some heavy food hauls to the store to enable ourselves to stay inside as much as possible. Yet even with all this preparation, as my baby is still trying to get over bronchiolitis, my son has asthma, my husband has strep throat, my friends have cold symptoms, and my family members have underlying medical concerns, I still don't feel ready and secure. Am I really prepared? ​

We are no strangers to breathing troubles and sickness. Watching someone you love struggle to breathe - especially if that someone is tiny - is terrifying. God has been faithful and merciful to us in each and every desperate episode we've had, and I trust him. Yet I still struggle with immediate anxiety the moment a new respiratory illness hits us. We've had several instances when kids would go to bed perfectly fine, and we would be rushing them to the ER just a few hours later. So when people are scared about the coronavirus and all the different ways it may wreak havoc, I start with the fact that I truly understand! I am, too. 

I was sitting in a public hospital in Brasov almost exactly two years ago, surrounded by other children with different respiratory illnesses that my four-month-old could easily contract while still fighting off his own virus. The fourth floor wing of that Romanian hospital had a long corridor outside of our room with a window at the end. I would take Denton to that window several times a day as I would walk the halls just to pass the time and try to keep him from crying - and myself! I was wondering why in the world God would lead us all the way to Romania just for all of these terrible things to happen. But at one point, a very poignant image came into my mind that is, to this day, vividly burned into my memory.  In this image, I was walking up and down that hallway with a glow around me, pushing back the impending darkness. Somehow, I knew that I was singing. And it was that image that helped me realize the reality of my situation: I was and still am literally carrying the one true and invisible God with me wherever I go because I have the Holy Spirit. And there is a battle being waged all around me, and everywhere that I go, I am capable of pushing back the darkness of evil. So yes, I needed to be in that hospital to help my sick child. But I also realized that for some unknown reason, God wanted me there to usher in His Kingdom and His presence for other people and for other reasons that had nothing to do with me personally.  

So for the remaining days that I had there, I walked those halls - back and forth, back and forth - my shoulders and back burning from constantly holding and bouncing my baby -  singing hymns and praying quietly aloud. Because I knew that there is power in the name of Jesus, and I was confident that the Lord truly had me there for a reason. And not just for my own good, though it was for that, too. But because that, for whatever reason, my General chose to strategically position me - His servant soldier - on the spiritual frontlines right there in that hospital for exactly that time. Because my prayers and my singing and my very presence helped push back the Enemy for all the other women, children, nurses, and doctors in that building. I was marching under Jehovah Nissi, "The Lord is my Banner." I took courage and strength in the fact that I was being given a place of honor to do battle for my God. 

I give you that story because it's possible that some of us, maybe many of us, will need to be walking, or sitting, or lying under Jehovah Nissi in the coming days. Or we will know someone we love who will. Or we will simply be distressed by the enormity of the situation from our own homes. We may start to wonder why the Lord is allowing this to happen. And why He would place us in our various locations and circumstances. Or we might feel crushed under the weight and fear that we feel. But it's not always about me and whether I've got all the earthly provisions for me and my family. So I wonder - am I spiritually prepared?  

Am I prepared to be radically generous with all that I have - money, food, toilet paper - to help others in need? (Mark 12:41-44)

Am I prepared to love my neighbor as myself by remaining isolated even when it is difficult for me, or love my neighbor by helping someone face-to-face even if it exposes me? (Mark 12:31)

Am I prepared to show grace and forgiveness and live peaceably with my family and neighbors with whom I disagree, when we are now in such close quarters where conflict is sure to abound? (Rom 12:18)

Am I prepared to praise the Lord if I or my loved ones get a positive test result? (Psalm 34:1)
 
Am I prepared to sing hymns if I end up in a hospital bed? (Eph 5:19)

Am I prepared to recite Scripture if I'm separated from my family and friends? (Psalm 119:11)

Am I prepared to pray diligently for these patients and medical personnel if it feels like the channels and articles bring nothing but crushingingly hopeless news? (Phil 4:4-6)

Am I prepared to give thanks for how the Lord is going to use every heart-wrenching trial for the good of growing me into the image of Jesus? (Rom 8:28-30)

Am I prepared to bless the name of the Lord if He decides to allow someone I love to die? (Job 1:21)

Am I prepared to find my strength in Jesus to be content in literally all circumstances? (Phil 4:12)

Am I prepared to use the opportunity of uncertain times to boldly proclaim the One who can give us peace? (Eph 6:19-20)

Am I prepared to look to Him for my comfort, stability, and provision when it's hard to find something I need in barren stores? (Psalm 91:4)

Am I prepared to walk whatever halls - sing whatever hymns - speak whatever words - endure whatever hardship if He calls me to that frontline? (Rom 5:3-5)
 
Am I prepared to reflect more on how my life and actions can count for Jesus in the days ahead than how I can keep myself safe, secure, and well-stocked? (Phil 1:21-24)

Am I prepared to already count my life - and the lives of those Christians I love around me - lost for the sake of His Kingdom, relying on the promise that whosoever loses his life for Jesus's sake will find it? (Matt 16:25)

And how can I possibly answer a truthful "yes" to any of these questions in my own strength? I can't. 

But I know whose name to call on to give me strength to do so! I know the name of the One to whom I can pray and admit my weakness and fear, and yet find unceasing joy in the fact that my God chooses over and over and over again in His redemption story to use those who are weak.

So Lord, I pray for mercy. I pray for strength, and I pray for wisdom. And when everything inside of me cries out in fear and dread of losing my life or the lives of those around me, or for the stock market crashing, or me losing my job and home, or whatever else may befall me... I pray that you would remind me again of what a privilege it is to serve you. Help me to walk in your light, casting out the darkness around me wherever I am because I am fighting for you. Help me to remember that my very presence somehow mysteriously ushers in your Kingdom here on earth, so that wherever you call me to be, I can be prepared to glorify you. Help me to find my peace and joy in whatever ways you choose to use me or my family in the days ahead. Because I cannot do it alone. Lord, help me to prepare. Amen. 

***

Ideas for preparation: 
- Read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John in small pieces at mealtimes with your family and soak in the life of Jesus
- Read Ephesians to reflect on spiritual battle and the promises of who we are in Christ 
- Spend homeschool time memorizing Scripture (start with some of the verses cited above!) 
- Read biographies of men and women who gave their lives to serve the Lord
- Keep Jesus-centered music going in your home so you can subconsciously take it in
- Spend time in the shower listening to one song over and over again to help you memorize it
- Visualize yourself in some of the above scenarios and prayerfully think through how the Lord would want you to handle it
- Research the Names of God and get to know His character based on the names people in the Bible used for Him 
- Use Zoom or FaceTime to continue meeting with the Body of Christ to encourage one another and discuss with each other how you're preparing spiritually
- Pray continually and admit your fears to the Lord and ask for His peace
- Boldly rebuke the spirits and feelings of fear, doubt, anxiety, anger, and hoarding 


Be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
(Ephesians 5:19-20)

Me and Gideon:
It seems that most people don't really know the story of Gideon. Everyone knows about his surrounding of the Midianites with a small army, but most don't know what happened before or after this battle. Before Gideon ever gathered his army together, God called him to tear down the idol of his people. For God to lead his people, his people had to first seek him and him alone. And so Gideon tore down his father's idol.

In the same manner, God had our family tear down our idols prior to heading overseas as missionaries. I remember being visually confronted with my materialism, as we sought to sell our house and the majority of our possessions. We had so much material junk, it took us several yard sales to sell most of it, and we still had a bunch left over to throw away. For two years, God confronted us with our idols of materialism, gluttony, and security (financial and physical). As we prepared to go off and do battle, God had us tear down our idols. 

The second step to God's plan for Gideon was for him to take all of his strength and whittle it down to a pitiful force. God would use Gideon in his weakness so that in victory, God's name alone could be glorified. There would be no doubt as to who was in control and who routed the Midianites. Gideon was merely an instrument in the Almighty's hand. 

In the same manner, God has taken our family down to nothing over the past few years. While we went to Romania expecting to use the gifts and talents with which God had so graciously equipped us, God has ended up putting our strength to the side and bringing us to a point of such weakness, that any accomplishment can be attributed to nothing other than God and God alone. 

So far, so good. I know you're probably all tracking with me, and many of you may even know this part of Gideon's story. But what so many don't know - or what they forget - is that Gideon's story doesn't end with his faithfulness to God. It ends with his resurrecting of his father's idols. Rather than a success story, the story of Gideon is one of the greatest tragedies possible. A seeming worshiper of God who sees God work wonders, ends his life by worshiping idols and leading others to do the same. 

In this regard, I feel exactly like Gideon when I return to the States.

My Idols
Have you ever gone on a diet for an extended period of time? Or have you ever gotten into a good exercise routine? After you live a few months of a healthy life style, have you ever gotten sidetracked by an illness, depression, the holiday season, travel, or something else like that? When you first take a bite of that delicious, but forbidden cheesecake - or when you miss a day or two of running or going to the gym - it feels kind of gross. Your body is used to the discipline and healthy inputs and recognizes an enemy when it sees one. But it isn't long before one or two compromises and failures turns into routine and lifestyle. 

When God had us address our idols prior to moving to Romania, it was freeing and cleansing. We went off with unburdened spirits to do spiritual battle. But upon returning to the States, I feel like I've instantaneously broken my diet. I feel like Gideon, who upon settling in the land after his amazing victory, began to erect the idols of old. My eating habits and the frequenting of convenient fast-food increased significantly. I stopped caring about waste, about gluttony, and about my bodily care because food tasted good and was easily accessible and our schedule too chaotic to incorporate self-care. I only needed to go to the mall or spend five minutes on Amazon to pique my materialistic desires. I only need to hear my friends and family talk about safety or think about the great education we could get our kids if we lived in certain U.S. communities to covet the sorts of securities my family could have if we permanently lived in the U.S.. 

I think Gideon's story can teach me a lot about my own life and tendencies. It's easy to hear God's call and move out in faith - but to have sustaining faith is difficult. Another great example of this is King David. Samuel tells us that during the season when kings went off to war, David sent out his soldiers, yet he himself remained behind. Rather than engaging in battle, David remained behind in leisure. And what happened in his leisure? He committed adultery and murder as the idol of lust reared its ugly head. 

I think my return to the U.S. has been anticlimactic and depressing to me for a number of reasons. First, since I am a product of U.S. culture, my idols, temptations, and pitfalls are more numerous here. It is far easier for me to be pulled into an idolatrous life here in the States because that's where my former idols are. In this culture, the idols are all too ready to scratch the very itches I think I have. 

The second reason a return to the U.S. feels disenchanting is because I mistakenly perceive myself to be out of the battle when I'm here. Just as Gideon thought he had fought and won his battle, just as the Children of Israel thought they had won their freedom after the Exodus, and just as David thought he was free from war while relaxing at his palace - so I think I am far from battle as we itinerate here in the U.S. But just as all those Israelite were mistaken, so am I. Paul tells us that we do not war against flesh and blood, and this is so true. Principalities and Powers don't just fight me in Romania, they fight me here in the States - and perhaps even more strongly since I am blind to their tactics here. 

More than ever, I am recognizing my tendency towards idolatry. More than ever, I am recognizing how the whole Christian life is a spiritual battle. My hope is that through the journey on which God has taken me, others can come to see their blindspots, and recognize that the United States is not some haven for Christians. It's a spiritual battleground of some of the most ruthless idols to which humanity bows. Some of us may need to fell our idols for the first time, and some of us may need to be reminded that we are in battle every day of our lives, and we must avoid erecting our former idols again. We are not home, we are aliens in this world, and no land is a haven for a sojourner of Christ. We are citizens of heaven who are conquering the spiritual enemies of heaven through our proclamation of the gospel of Christ, as the nations are made his footstool. Fight the good fight. 

The day before Palm Sunday, we plan to hold a community outreach event called "Walk Through Holy Week." In a museum style, we'll invite families to go through our church to experience several of the key events of Jesus's life leading up to the cross. They'll be able to read passages of Scripture, and kids can read from a children's Bible. They'll be able to make paper palm fronds, wash each others' feet, smell the perfume that was used to anoint Jesus, touch a crown of thorns, drive a nail into a cross, roll dice to cast lots, and reflect on what a miracle it is to find an empty tomb! Our goal is to make this a family-friendly event that will help people truly prepare their hearts for Easter as they have hands-on experiences of the Scripture stories. Please pray for this event - for hearts to be turned toward Jesus!

It is also the church's tradition to have a big potluck lunch after our Easter Sunday service. Please pray that our church will invite many people, and that many will attend. Easter is a time that most Romanians will attend a service, so please pray for open hearts and responses!
​

Please continue to pray for the unity of our church and for the elders of our church, who are experiencing many personal trials. It is a very difficult time for many people in our church. Please pray against the attacks of the Enemy and for the Lord's protection and victory over the trials that they are experiencing. Please pray for Truth to be exposed and lies and persecution to be rebuked. 

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​Please pray for healing for Atticus. He's had 10 ear infections since we returned to Romania. We discovered this month that he somehow contracted three different bacteria in his right ear and sinuses. We thought we were going to have another five-day hospital stay for IV antibiotics but were grateful to find out at the last minute that we could just use two antibiotics at home. However, just three days after his antibiotics were done and he had gotten better, his left ear started draining for the first time. We don't feel as though we're able to get a straight, well-informed answer from the doctors here, and this is causing a lot of frustration for us. With allergy season quickly approaching as things start to bloom, we really want to find some answers but don't really know how. Please pray for the Lord's wisdom and guidance, and for Atticus's complete healing. This poor child has been sick with something literally ever since we got here, with very few days of reprieve in between sicknesses - with the notable exception being when he got better after his surgery in the States and until we returned to Romania. We believe very much that there is a huge spiritual component to these sicknesses. 

This acceptance of spiritual warfare has been a turning point for our family. Our attitude has been transformed and our daughter is a completely new person. The transformation is inexplicable without the acknowledgement that we have been oppressed by evil. Now I recognize that I may sound like I'm jumping the gun here, but please trust me. I am an evidentialist to a fault and I don't simply accept things at face value.  So just as I made a cumulative case to prove that God profoundly answered our prayers to send us to Romania, please hear my case for the reality of spiritual warfare. 

Catalina and I had a pretty easy life together. But things changed soon after we were invited to come to Romania in September 2015. A little over a month later, our first son was born, but spent a week in the ICU for breathing issues. Six months later, the first of my four living grandparents died. A month later, Catalina's last living grandparent died. Four months later, Catalina had her first miscarriage - an event which spiraled her into a nosedive that would develop into depression, a nervous breakdown, and a deep questioning of God. Six months later my second grandparent would die, and six months after that my third grandparent died. Our family experienced the deaths of four close relatives and one unborn child within a two year period after moving forward with our pursuit of missions. 

After we landed in Romania, our daughter also began to develop some very unhealthy behaviors. She developed severe anxiety, especially as it related to socializing. That's not a great thing to develop right before moving into a new community. As she grew older, she also began to question the love of God and the love of her parents. When Catalina would ask, "you know that we love you, right, Elin?" Elin would say "no." She also began to ask some pretty complex questions about God's benevolence and the problem of evil. If God was so good, why did we have to avoid dangerous situations? Wouldn't he protect us if he loved us? Maybe we couldn't count on God to protect us because God doesn't really love us. Elin also began to burst into rages when disciplined. When I say "rages," I do mean rages. I do not mean tantrums. She would scream at the top of her lungs, throw objects, grunt, hit, wet her pants, flail, strip naked, and scream a very guttural sound. Not for fifteen minutes. Not for forty-five minutes. Often times, she did this for over an hour and a half, until her little body was so tired she just passed out. We were so outside of our ken we hired a psychologist to help us out. While that experience was awesome and helped us to become better parents, there was still so much that remained under the surface in Elin. 

Not only did we experience emotional and behavioral problems, we also experienced a plethora of physical problems. Before even leaving for Romania we had an ER visit each for Elin and Atticus, one for a head injury and the other for breathing issues. When we were still in our pre-field training in Belgium, Atticus spiked a very high fever for several days, and the team prayed over us there. After we arrived in Romania, we had to make an ER trip for Atticus within the first two months because he had a 104.5 fever and began drooling. We were plagued by constant sicknesses which often kept one of us out of church and one or both of the kids out of school. It felt like death by a thousand cuts! And of course we know that kids get sick, but we started to notice a nefarious pattern. At least one kid was almost always sick on Sunday. And while our kids could be well throughout the week, most of the times we invited Romanians to our house, and every - I mean absolutely every time we planned a date, our kids would get sick the night before or the day of so we couldn't go out. I kid you not when I say that the only dates we were able to go on were when our teammates would say to us, "hey, our kids are free to babysit in a few hours if you want to go out." We were only ever able to go out on a date if it was spontaneous and unstated until a few hours beforehand. 

Then, for those of you who have followed us, there is the crown jewel of our experience. Our third child was born here in Romania and our delivery experience was fantastic. However, three weeks into his life he developed severe breathing issues. He spent ten days in the hospital. There were a thousand variables that could have done our son in during this time, but God was gracious. But after Denton was released from the hospital it was only a matter of time before his breathing deteriorated again. In the next five months we had one more lengthy hospital stay and four ER visits - all of which came at the most inopportune times. They came the day before my parents left Romania, the day before Catalina's parents left Romania, the day before I was supposed to fly to Greece for a conference, and the day before our first planned (and much needed) family vacation to the beach. Not only was each hospitalization nerve wracking, but each one was demoralizing for our family as it interfered with plans, prevented the growth of relationships, and exacerbated the difficulty of already difficult situations. Each hospitalization or ER visit was challenging, and the only reason we weren't in the hospital more is because we found a place that gave us some strong medicine we could administer from home. We still had to drive into the hospital twice a day where they would monitor Denton for us, but it was less stressful than the alternative. Over those five months, Denton's baseline oxygen level just kept deteriorating. Finally, in June of 2018, with his normal blood-oxygen level in the low 80's, we decided we had to do something drastic. We flew back to the States to regroup. 

Interestingly, when we got back to the States we quickly saw improvement - not just in Denton, but in all of our kids. Retreating from Romania seemed to abate the struggles which had begun soon after we started moving towards a life in Romania.  We finally experienced peace. But while we basked in this season of peace, our hearts were still where God was calling us. We wanted to return to Romania. God was gracious to heal us and bring us back. While we could chalk all that up to being around our family, being able to speak in English, or a host of other things, it seems that the momentous turnaround required more explanation than this. How is it that in an instant, our tumultuous lives turned into lives which finally knew peace? In retrospect, we wonder if a part of the peace we experienced while Stateside was the part of evil's assault on us. Was Satan backing off in an attempt to encourage us to leave Romania? 

When we returned to Romania, things started to go downhill again pretty immediately. It wasn't nearly as bad as it was before, but there was still a noticeable difference from the time we had just spent in the States. Our kids had some minor illnesses here and there, but it was manageable. As soon as we returned, however, Elin started experiencing problems with her friends at school. They didn't really want to play with her anymore. Maybe it was because her Romanian needed some work, maybe it was because she was weird to them, maybe it's because she had been gone for a few months. I don't know. But Elin was absolutely miserable and felt unloved and her anxiety returned with a vengeance. And in this time of turmoil her nightmares began. She was a tortured soul, and she was breaking down. 

Through this whole journey we understandably looked for normal attributions. Perhaps our sicknesses were largely due to mold. Maybe our sicknesses were due to experiencing new strains of viruses and bacteria after our move to a different country. Maybe there is a good bit of coincidence at play. Perhaps yes to all of these things. We also accepted the idea that there was some spiritual warfare going on. We believed that spiritual warfare existed and we acknowledged it. Yet while we did everything we could to fix the mold, call a psychologist, get vaccinations, see doctors, implement parenting strategies, etc - we never truly did anything serious to face spiritual evil head on. Yes, we did family devotions and learned a lot about God, but that is defensive. We never attacked and pursued the darkness head on until a few weeks ago, with the encouragement of other embattled missionaries.

And after we did face the darkness directly with the Sword of the Spirit - after we called Satan out and rebuked the demonic - what happened? Elin's anxiety subsided. Her nightmares immediately stopped. Her old friends began to accept her. She started answering "yes" when Catalina asked if she knew that we loved her. She began to see God as good. She started saying "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" without us asking her to. She began to accept discipline (though she didn't need it as much anymore). She was clearly more calm and kind and compassionate with her siblings. And the list could go on. Even other adults began to notice her changed behavior. They saw that she was more upbeat and noticed how she would actually look people in the eyes when talking, something we didn't even realize she hadn't done for our whole time in Romania up to this point. All of these night and day changes immediately after facing and rebuking spiritual oppression.

We by no means believe that winning a battle means we're out of the war. In fact, literally ten minutes after writing this first draft, Catalina called me and said that Atticus has to be admitted to the hospital for five days to receive IV antibiotics for two strains of drug resistant bacteria he has. The doctor in Romania and our doctor in the States said they've never seen the combination of bacterias he had and couldn't explain how it happened. Not surprisingly, Atticus's hospitalization was going to fall on the week that we have our big Lent activity scheduled for our church. Catalina, the mastermind of the program, was to be in the hospital with Atticus. "Coincidentally," another one of the individuals who was supposed to help was seriously sidelined because her friend was hit by a car and was in an induced coma. On top of this, I - who almost never get sick - came down with something, Denton got a 102 fever, and one of the other families who was supposed to help also got sick. God miraculously answered prayer and resolved everything so that all of us could be in attendance, but only fifteen minutes into our event our two brand new griddles both failed. With around 100 people coming to the event and expecting to be fed, our community pulled together and we turned the situation around into a beautiful success, but it was a hard fought battle just to pull off a relatively simple event. We have learned to expect these kinds of onslaughts when we are planning ministry and outreach events. Such things always seem to be accompanied by strings of tragic "coincidences." 

I am a cumulative case sort of person. As I look at all that has transpired in our lives over the past few years, and as I look at how things changed as we neared to or retreated from Romania, and how things have changed since attacking the darkness directly, I can't help but attribute the vast majority of our experiences to spiritual warfare. Sure, old grandparents die. Cancer occurs in lots of people. Kids get sick. Accidents happen. People have nightmares.  Electronics fail. Plans go awry. Individuals experience seasons of hardship.  I understand that. I also understand that a religious routine of praying over our children and attacking the darkness isn't a remedy for preventing all harm or for ensuring a perfectly peaceful life.  But if you believe that a Christian's battle is not with flesh and blood, but with the powers of darkness who serve the prince of this world, then surely you can recognize the difference between a series of hardships and a series of battles.

As I reflect on this experience, I think about how hypocritical and faithless I was. I said I believed in spiritual warfare, but I obviously only believed it was metaphorical. At best, I thought spiritual warfare happened "out there," but not in my realm. I know some may caution us not to find the demonic behind every rock now, but I'm not so sure I see a problem with that. What harm does it do to assume that evil abounds in this world? If Satan is the prince of this world and has much power, and if Satan loves to steal, kill, and destroy, why wouldn't I assume he is behind all that is antithetical to my God - a God of love, life, light, and order? Why wouldn't I expect his involvement in illness, chaos, fear, and relational interruptions? I have come to realize that it is a far greater danger to underestimate the darkness than it is to realize that it pervades this world in great measure.

God has opened our eyes to see that we are daily fighting the powers of darkness. I don't at all think this truth is unique to us, unique to missionaries, or unique to others in "ministry" positions. We are all ministering - we are a kingdom of priests. This is a truth we all need to acknowledge. I don't think our life has been harder than the lives of many others we know, but we have been put in a position to realize the spiritual significance of our battles. That's something many in the West never get to experience, as our culture does such a good job of partitioning the sacred from the secular and the physical from the spiritual. Our family has been fortunate enough to have a clear cut string of experiences which have opened our eyes to the true face of the war we are fighting, and we have a platform to share that with many believers who need to understand the forces at work in their lives. God has graciously blessed us with a plethora of evidence because he knows how great is our unbelief. We hope that our story can encourage you to put on your armor as well. ​

While our church faces much turmoil, there are also some exciting possibilities on the horizon. Our church needs so much wisdom at this time, not only in the trials we face, but in the opportunities God is leading us to. Please pray for us as we consider moving forward with the purchase of a building with which we would seek to pool the skills and resources of our church to form a community center. Please read what our team leader, Derek Ebbers, wrote in their latest newsletter:

"The above picture represents an idea (or location) for a new project.  Does it look like a great community center, or just a run down post-communist building that was once called 'The Institute'?  Called that because it was the location where genetic modification and research of exotic plants was done during communism.  
It is just a minute from our house by foot and next to a developing part of the town.  
For several years we have had our ears open to community needs and several ideas have surfaced.  We are in the process of communicating with church leadership and members about their participation.  We believe that the reconciling work of the gospel message must infiltrate the community at many levels and in many ways. 
Please pray for unity and clarity as we pursue what we believe could serve the kingdom and build the local church."

Continue to pray for the three Roma families we are working with, including *Alexa (not her real name). You may remember that she stole our credit card back in the summer before we went back to the States. We didn't see her for months once we returned. Now that it's winter, we see more Roma begging again, and Alexa is back at our doorstep regularly, too. We continue to encourage her to seek reconciliation with us and build trust - by demonstrating the truth of her claims with medical documentation, by being truthful and telling us that she has lied, and/or by allowing us to go with her to her house to assess her needs. She continues to string us along. We always still invite her into our home for coffee, while she tells us new reasons for why she needs us to give her money. We've shared with her the Gospel several times in different ways. It's truly sad. We believe she has a genuine love for us in a weird way, especially for our kids. But she's trapped in a cultural cycle of living by lying. It must be a terribly scary thing to try and give up everything you've been taught and be truthful with foreigners like us. Pray for our wisdom as we learn how to work and love in this community, as our learning and wisdom seem to come largely through mistakes we've made. It's a frustrating process, so please pray that God gives us patience, and that we would have a persevering love which would mark us as distinct from the non/nominal Christians with whom the Roma come in contact.