During each pregnancy, I go through this emotional time where I feel like I’m going to die. Fears begin to rise up in me – fears that I won’t live to know my children and they won’t live to know me. That is a large part of why I create keepsakes for them during each pregnancy – so that if I die before they know me, they can have something by which to know me, and to know my love and wishes for them. “Home” is a poem that expresses this fear. I wrote it while Elin was a newborn. I was sitting in our glider right after I laid her down, thinking about how I would feel if I died right then. While I knew the Christian answer was that my death would finally unite me with my God and my true home, I also knew that the Christian answer told me death was bad, the body wasn’t, and my family is to be cherished. In this poem, I try to create that tension between two homes.
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